Spring and summer bring a wave of social events, such as family reunions, backyard barbecues, graduations, weddings, and celebrations of all kinds. For many, these gatherings are full of joy, laughter, and connection. But for those grieving, they can feel like a world of lightheartedness that’s out of reach. Whether it’s the absence of someone, or the weight of emotions that seem too difficult to carry, social settings can become a fairly tender and complex space to navigate. If you find yourself navigating this, know that your grief is valid, and you are not alone.
It’s okay to not feel ready to participate in every gathering. The pressure to “be fine” or “just get through it” can be overwhelming. It's important to remember that grief doesn't follow a neat timeline, and some days will be easier (or harder) than others. So, how can you show up for yourself while honoring your grief in these moments?
1. Listen to Your Body and Emotions Grief can manifest in different ways, physically and emotionally. You may feel exhausted, anxious, or have moments where it feels hard to breathe. Recognize these signals. Your body is trying to communicate that something important needs attention. If attending a gathering feels too much, it’s okay to take a step back, to say no, or to set a boundary (such as a time limit on how long you're there for). Your emotional well-being and comfort are allowed to be more important than fulfilling a social expectation.
2. Create Space for Your Emotions It's natural to feel out of place when others around you are celebrating, while your heart is heavy with loss. That’s where self-compassion comes in: allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel, whether it’s sadness, anger, or even moments of peace. These emotions are all part of your human experience. Finding a quiet corner during the event, stepping outside for some fresh air, or taking a break in a safe space (often a bathroom for folks) can be ways to honour what you’re feeling without guilt.
3. Communicate Your Needs This might sound easier said than done, but communicating your needs with others can create a more compassionate space. You don't have to explain every detail of your grief; simply saying, "I may need a little time away from the group to recharge", "I'm going to be quieter than usual today", or "I’m finding today to be a bit heavy for me, so I'm going to head out early" can open the door for understanding. Sharing with others helps them understand your boundaries, so they can offer you support without pushing you beyond what feels comfortable.
Communicating our needs not only helps us avoid making assumptions but also prevents feelings of resentment. It’s easy to expect others to understand what we're going through, but that's not always fair to them. When we don’t create space for them to respond, it can lead to misunderstandings. People often respond based on how we present and communicate ourselves. We can’t assume everyone knows what we're feeling, so it’s important to show compassion and extend the benefit of the doubt to others as well.
4. Adapt to Your Own Pace We often think of social gatherings as requiring a set level of engagement, but there’s no one-size-fits-all. You don’t have to stay for the entire event, nor do you have to participate in every conversation. You may choose to attend for a shorter period, or if you're unable to attend in person, maybe a phone call or a message could help you stay connected without the emotional toll. Trust that it’s okay to adapt your participation to what your heart and body are ready for.
5. Prioritize Self-Care Coping with grief in social spaces requires a strong commitment to self-care. This might mean preparing yourself mentally or emotionally before the event. Take a moment for grounding, deep breathing, or a self-compassionate affirmation. Afterward, be sure to check in with yourself, whether that’s through journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or simply resting. Grief can be exhausting, and giving yourself permission to rest afterward is a vital part of maintaining your emotional health.
6. Create Rituals of Remembrance During social gatherings, especially when certain people are no longer physically present, creating a small ritual of remembrance can help you feel connected to your person. Lighting a candle, holding a moment of silence, or sharing a memory can be subtle ways of honoring them while still being part of the group. It’s a way to keep their presence alive without disrupting the flow of the event, if that's a worry of yours.
7. Be Gentle with Yourself Perhaps most importantly, be gentle with yourself. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve in a social setting. You may feel moments of joy mixed with sorrow, and that’s completely normal. You might also experience guilt—feeling like you should be “over it” by now. But grief doesn’t have a set expiration date. It ebbs and flows, and your journey is unique to you. Allow yourself the space to grieve fully, without judgment or comparison.
Part of being gentle with yourself also means giving yourself permission to feel joy, to laugh, and to experience moments of happiness, even in the midst of grief. It can feel strange, even guilt-inducing. The truth is, it’s natural to feel happiness while grieving, and those moments of joy don’t diminish the love or sadness you carry. They are simply part of being human, and embracing them is a beautiful way to honour both your grief and your capacity for healing.
Social gatherings may never feel the same after loss, and that’s okay. The key is to find ways to engage that honour your grief, and your needs, while still maintaining connection with others in ways that are emotionally supportive. Remember, showing up for yourself during these moments is a deep act of love, and you deserve to be kind to your heart, no matter how big or small your participation feels.
You are not alone in this. The people who love and support you will understand if you need to take a step back, and your grief deserves the same compassion, space, and care that you would give to any other part of yourself.
Take care of you.
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